Anxious

Found this quote today...

"When we reach the end of our strength, wisdom, and personal resources, we enter into the beginning of His glorious provisions."

The anxiety is turned up to high lately. Too close to home (and if I'm honest, probably too silly) to share right now, but... Prayers please.

Strugglin'

When I posted a couple weeks ago, I pretty much laid myself out there emotionally. And then didn't say any more about it. That's not to say there isn't anything more to say, I've just been trying to figure it all out in my head. And in my heart really. If I'm being honest, and I started down the honesty road already so I may as well keep going, I've got some issues. In particular, big self-worth issues.

I know I'm not the only one that struggles with this stuff, at least I hope I'm not, but not because I want anyone else to have to deal with it, just because I hope I'm not alone in it...

I so often focus on the things that I find wrong with myself, whether it's the way my eyes get all squinty when I smile making every picture of me when I'm truly happy one that I can't stand looking at myself in, of the number on the tag of my jeans, or that tears come to me rather easily. Or I focus on the things that I don't think are all that "wrong" with me, but everyone around me seems to think are. Like the whole being single thing, or that I can only take so much time around people before it wears me out and gets me kinda grumpy.

If I make myself sit down and think about some of the good things about myself, I can get there. Like the fact that I care passionately about the people I love. Or that I have a distinctive laugh that I've been told people recognize and miss when I'm not around. Or that I really am blessed beyond measure.

It just makes me sad that those aren't the things that come to mind most often, or really at all unless I make myself. How do you manage to make the good stuff be the stuff you think of first?

I've had quite a few "just post a few pictures and call it enough" blog posts lately. I think it's because I'm trying to figure out just how much of myself I want to put out there.

So Sweet

A sweet (literally!) valentine from my sweet friend Erin, who never lets me forget that she loves me. Thank you E for knowing all the crummy stuff about me, but caring despite it. And thank you for sharing all the good stuff too! I consider you a sister and thank God for you everyday.
I only wish my baking and photography skills were half as good as hers.

Spoons in the Rathskeller