Sunday, September 07, 2008

"That girl"...

It's been one of those days. I realize I just posted 8 hours ago about what a good day it was, and clearly, parts of it were wonderful. But those doubts and other nasty things have made their way into my head, and are consuming me now. And I find myself having trouble falling asleep, so here I am.

It all started at church this morning. I'm definitely digging the church I've been checking out since I got back to Madison. Worship is great, messages are good... but... it's BIG. We're talking 1,000 people at a service, and they do four of them a Sunday! I'm coming from my cozy little church plant in Sheboygan, where you at least recognized most people, and knew a lot of them by name. It was comfortable. It was home. And there's this great song that I've associated with Crossroads in Sheboygan since that Vision Sunday service this May. And then today, they introduced and sang it at Blackhawk here in Madison. Now I've been missing a lot of my Sheboygan friends lately, and being in this new church with this old song was too much. As soon as they started to play "God of this City," the tears started falling. To borrow a line from K, I was "That girl!"

K told me the story about the Sunday she was in this new church (same one I'm talking about!), and didn't know anyone, so she was sitting by strangers, and started crying during the message. I know you've been there. It just hits you and there's no stopping the crying. She told me how she's sure the people who were near her went home that day and were praying for her throughout the week, thanking God that she was there that day, and that He was working on her heart. She told me how she wanted to tell them to not misunderstand, that she knew Jesus and they didn't have to worry about her, but it was just one of those days! That was me today. Missing Sheboygan as the worship team at Blackhawk sang "God of this City." In my mind, that song belongs to Zach.

"You're the God of this city, You're the King of these people, You're the Lord of this nation, You are. For there is no one like our God. There is no one like our God. Greater things have yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this city. Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done here. You're the strength in our weakness, You're the love to the broken, You're the joy in the sadness, You are. For there is no one like our God. There is no one like our God."

I'm just feeling like I'm at that low point, where there isn't really an explanation for it. Trying to find my place in this kind of new life, in a new town, with new people. I knew it would be different when I came back after being gone for three years, I guess I just wasn't completely prepared for how to deal with it and what to do about it. I know He has great things in store, I'm just growing impatient waiting for them to happen. If it's ok to covet your prayers, I could use them. Just for some peace about where I'm at. Assurance that He has a plan that's better than anything I could dream up. And for my heart (and head too!) to get more refocused on Him.


Tabitha said...

God of this City makes me think of Crossroads too. I first heard it at the closing session of the Willow Creek Arts Conference in June (was in the nursery on Vision Sunday so I missed when Zach sang it.) I was "that girl" sobbing my eyes out in the auditorium. During that song it just dawned on me how

1) tired I was after two years of church planting efforts
2) how many people in Sheboygan still need to hear God's loving message of grace

Katrina - you should have seen the auditorium on Sunday. We had 198 or 201 adults (two counters - didn't match today) and 85+ kids in Kids Rock. Look how God used you to be a part of something that I believe hasn't even really gotten started yet! Just think how God is going to use you at Blackhawk, you work, Madison, friends, etc!

Jeff had a great message today - he just nailed it. Stop by and listen if you get a chance.

Miss U!

Anita J. said...

You've got my prayers.

Jessica Turner said...

praying for peace for you tonight. xoxo