A couple projects

I got this mirror a few weeks ago, as a housewarming gift. It was salvaged from a hair salon that was being remodeled. Now, I definitely think every bedroom needs a full length mirror (except on those "ugly" days where you can't find anything to wear!), and my 6' x 2' one fits the bill, but it just wasn't doing it for me as it was.

Enter dad, a few feet of chair rail molding, and a can of black paint.

And you get a much better looking mirror!

Also, note the old medicine cabinet hanging in the hallway outside my closet on the way to the bathroom. Open that mirrored door...
And you get one fun jewelry cabinet!

Am I worth it?

Here it is, me being vulnerable and throwing it all out there. It's 11:00 on a weeknight, which is close to 1:00 on a weekend (see previous post)....

I just sat in my bedroom with 4 girls from my small group for about an hour. Talking about life plans and God's plans and love stories. And I feel like I have none of it, that I want all of it, and that I'm not worthy of any of it. The Bachelor is taped, waiting for me to watch, but that's probably about the worst thing I could do. I am genuinely happy for the girls who were able to share stories about the awesome things going on in their lives, and the people who have been placed in them. But if I'm being real, I'm also genuinely jealous. And it's a completely hard place to be.

Believe me, I know I've had issues before (and still do, hello!) with feeling like I deserve to be loved, that I deserve to be treated with respect, and that I deserve to be cherished. I've had a man walk all over me for years, and I kept getting up asking for more. I've had a man literally hit me. I've had a man lie to me over and over and I've believed his excuses each and everytime. I've seen real love stories, and many times thought that everyone but me deserved it. And tonight... is one of those times.

I just want a love story! It doesn't have to be movie quality, just give me something real!

I've gotten good at convincing myself and other people that I'm just fine on my own, and that I'm completely happy on my own. When you get deep enough into my heart.... not true. Sure, I can survive on my own, but I don't want to. But then you hit the God issues of does it matter what I want? He gives us the desires of our heart, right? But will He give it to me? Do you love me that much, God? Tonight, I question all of it. I'll cry. I'll toss and turn in bed. I'll get angry. Give me the love story!

And this is all bigger than a man. It's easy to focus on that, because that's so forefront in 20-something's lives. And don't get me wrong, I want all that. I want to be a princess. And I want my prince. But I also want a life that's worth something, that is for something bigger than me, something that is for Him. Put me in a spot where I can do something for you, God. And would you mind giving me a man to do it alongside?

Am I worth it to someone? Am I worth it to You?

Just feeling kind of crummy about things tonight and the past couple of days. I realize it's 1:00 in the morning, and this hour tends to bring on this kind of funk, and to make it pass the fastest, I should just head straight to bed after a little bit of prayer. Tonight, I'm asking for your prayers as well. No more details right now, they might get shared eventually... when I'm courageous enough to be that vulnerable. But for now, this girl needs a little sleep and a lot of love.

A little bit of sunshine

I realize it is still January, and I live in Wisconsin, so we're bound to be back to below zero temperatures and inches upon inches of snow soon enough, but today, the sun was out and it was warm enough to drive with my window cracked a bit!

The scenery and photography isn't great, but I just thought I'd share a little bit of it with you.

I'm going to enjoy it while I can!

**Updated with a pretty (albeit blurry) snow picture. Much better than the dirty, slushy snow in the picture above!

YOUR Inauguration thoughts?

Come on people... tell me what you're thinking. Did you watch? Are you hopeful, excited, worried, scared? Anything?? Any favorite moments?

My favorite shot of the day had to be right after the inaugural address, when Sasha looked up at her dad giving him a thumbs up. Just a sweet father/daughter moment, that happened to be shared with the entire nation, and much of the world.

A few Inauguration Day thoughts

• What kind of gift could Michelle Obama have brought to Laura Bush in that pretty white box with a bright red ribbon?
• What were Maila and Sasha up to all morning? (I'm a sucker for the family story.)
• As Bush and Obama rode in that crazily armored car on the way to the Capitol, what could they have possibly been talking about? Weighty stuff or small talk?
• I don't really remember hearing the "peaceful exchange of power" phrase before, but it is a pretty remarkable thing that one man, representing one party, willingly (well, at the will of the people) hands over leadership of the most powerful country in the world to another man, representing a different political party. In other parts of the world, that control isn't passed in such a friendly way.
• How does the whole move into and out of the White House happen? That's a big place to empty out in a short time.
• H.W. Bush could have done better than the bright yellow turtleneck and purple sweater. And I don't say that only because I can't stand the Vikings. Michelle Obama, on the other hand, is in her green (gloves) and gold. Hmm.... Packer fan from Chicago?!
• I love it that Malia Obama pulled out her own camera to start taking pictures. I bet she'll have access to some great ones, but at 10, it's so much more fun to take your own.
• Barack Obama looks so incredibly calm, in the face of some huge challenges facing this country. His demeanor alone makes me feel a little better.
• The majority of the million or so people crowding the National Mall today won't hear a word that is said or see a thing that is happening (aside from on screen). But they are still there, weathering the cold, purely out of excitement and hope for what happens today. That's cool.
• Interesting that the oaths for President and Vice President are so different.
• The ceremony and pageantry are over. The real work begins. Regardless of your political tendencies, can we all agree to hope and pray for the best for our country and new president?

A day off of work

and on the couch.

Here's where I'll be spending (much of) my day off. On the couch, www.msnbc.com on the laptop, NBC or MSNBC on tv, watching all things inauguration. Yes, you read that right. I took a day of vacation to watch Barack Obama being sworn in as president. I'm completely excited about it - him, the pageantry, the historical value, the promise, all of it! The optimism and hope Obama has inspired is exciting and much needed. My prayer is that it continues. He's not going to make this country turn the corner on his own, but hopefully will inspire each of us individually to adopt an attitude of service and responsibility for doing our part.

Stay tuned, might be more to come later.

I wish I had a decent title...

It felt like a scene out of a movie. And I wish I could describe it more eloquently than I think I will, but here goes nothing anyway.

After work tonight I had plans to meet a girl from my life group (we'll call her R for the sake of her anonymity) for coffee, mostly as a "get to know you" type meeting. We've hung out together on Monday nights for a few months now, and knew each other at a pretty surface level. I won’t even try to tell you I know her real well even now, but it was nice to at least be able to start to open up and share a little more of my heart with her. We shared some of our struggles trying to find community at the point in life we’re both at. And asked some of the harder questions, that aren’t answerable over coffee for two hours, but somehow feel better just by getting them asked.

We sat chatting at our table, just a few feet away from two other women, who looked to be in their 30’s, sharing a glass of wine, chatting and laughing themselves. Without knowing anything about them, and I could completely be making this up because it’s the way I want the story to go, but it seemed to be two girlfriends catching up after work.

Just behind R sat a man and woman, who didn't draw much attention at first. At some point during our conversation, they must have gotten up, and walked past us, as R suddenly stopped talking and looked over my shoulder. The rest of the story as far as I can tell it, comes solely from the play-by-play I got from R and the two wine-drinking women sitting near us, as I couldn't turn around and look. The woman who was initially with the man, ended up sobbing in the arms of two girlfriends, as the man who was with her walked out the door. We don't know the story behind the tears, but came to a few broad conclusions based on a few phrases heard through the tears, and his quick exit. Thankfully the two other women were there to comfort her, offer hugs, and help dry her tears.

The three relationships found in this small coffee shop/wine bar tonight offered such a cool glimpse into the kinds of friendships I think we all look for at different points in life from different people. On one end, I completely enjoyed my spot in the get to know you type talk with a new friend. It's a fun place to be, just trying to figure relationships out. At the other extreme, I'm so grateful for the girlfriends who I can call when I'm on the verge of tears, yet know it's completely safe to totally fall apart with. And in the middle, some days I just need the girlfriends with whom I can share a glass of wine and chat about the little things going on in life, without the fear of sharing too much too early, or the energy it takes to be completely vulnerable.

Tonight, I'm thankful for the friends I have. All of you. The new, the old, the girls, the guys, the "shoot the shit" friends, and the "bare my soul" friends. I love you all.

And just because song lyrics are fun... "Thank you for being a friend, Traveled down the road and back again, Your heart is true you're a pal and a confidant. And if you threw a party, invited everyone you knew, You would see the biggest gift would be from me, And the card attached would say thank you for being a friend."

I've jumped...

...on the Golden Globe bandwagon.

Nicole and I went to see Slumdog Millionaire tonight. It's the 4th movie I've seen in the last three weeks (Valkyrie, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button, and Doubt round out the list), and I have to say I think it was the best.

It was adorable, heartbreaking, intense, funny, and almost tear-inducing all at the same time. It's strange to think of Who Wants to be a Millionaire forming the basis of an award winning film, but it completely works. Apparently the movie hasn't been released in India yet. It'll be interesting to see the reaction to the film there. It shows the worst parts of the country (at least what I hope are the worst parts...), but also shows characters who are fairly happy in their situation, and is ultimately a story of love and promise and hope. And all of that because of a game show!

Definitely one to check out - It was worth the $8.75 (Can you believe that?!) to see it.

Weekend Update

I got back from Sheboygan around 3:30 this afternoon. It was a whirlwind trip, trying to see as many people as possible, in about 24 hours. Despite a lot of running around, it was a great weekend. It was one of those that I wish I had pictures of to remember it by (well, there is one picture), but I'm glad that I didn't interrupt the time connecting with people and enjoying their company to take pictures.

I got into town at around 1:00 on Saturday, did lunch with Tracy and did a lot of catching up and some heart sharin'. From there I ran over to Carrie's to catch up on what's going on with all the people from work. Headed over to Erin's to do a lot more girl talkin', some laughing, some crying, and got some much needed hugs. Then went to the BSHC III - partied a little with all the accounting/finance people from work, and everyone connected with the an accounting/finance person even remotely. It was a great way to catch up with a bunch of people (probably about 40 of them there) fast. Although I did get cursed a few times for leaving a job that apparently no one wants, and is sill pretty much waiting to be filled. From there, Erin, Bry and I left to catch a late movie, and yes, we were those somewhat obnoxious girls talking in the theater right up until the actual movie started. (If you're still reading this, I'm impressed!) Erin and I went back and caught up a little more, and went to bed way too late, and also woke up way too late this morning for church! At Crossroads, I got to catch up with a bunch more people, and catch a service at my old home church. And finally, Tara, Erin, Bry and I all went to lunch - at Chili's of course! Our favorite place in Sheboygan!

Here's the one picture I have from the entire weekend - two of my favorite girls from my old home!

Bry and Erin (Hopefully they won't care that this picture is up here! Let me know if you do mind girls!)

And on a little more personal note from this weekend...

As I was driving through town yesterday, in the place I had lived for 3 years, I was completely at peace with my decision to move back to Madison. It was great to visit, and so nice to have people to see and places to stay, but it was also nice to come home tonight. It's right here. And I'll sleep well tonight.

Unwrapped!

As promised, here's the after!

The whole idea was my "favorite things" (Not nearly as good as Oprah's old favorite things episodes!) for my favorite people. Thus the "brown paper packages tied up with string..... these are a few of my favorite things."

Under Wraps...

I'm heading to Sheboygan today to see a bunch of friends, make a stop at Crossroads, and deliver a fun Christmas present!

Here's just a glimpse at the "before" for you (and her, because she does occasionally make an appearance at the blog!). Stay tuned to see the "after!"

Is this a joke?

http://nbcsports.msnbc.com/id/28530958/

Sort of embarrassed about this...

I got sucked into (no pun intended!.... Ok, maybe it was intended but I didn't want to admit it) reading Twilight. It's kind of hard for me to admit that I'm reading (and enjoying) a vampire love story. When I opened it on Christmas Eve, my 19 year old brother asked to look at it, and saw that my version of the book features an "Exclusive Poster Inside!" Matt (and most of you) will be happy to know that I have not hung the poster anywhere at home or at work. It remains securely inside the back of the book. But I have to say… the story is good. I have not, however, fallen madly in love with Edward the vampire.

I get it. He's gorgeous. And he adores Bella. And he does all those sweet things I dream of one day having a man do for me. But he's still a vampire! I don't know that I'd be able to get over that part of him. I understand it's this whole theme of looking past differences and accepting the baggage and crap that comes with everyone. Lord knows I have enough of my own. But having some kind of primal urge to kill me? I think I'd have a hard time getting past that one...

If you care...

I wish I had something more significant to say today, but this means something to me...

3-0 in the Big Ten! Nice start Badgers!

AND...

There's a new Top Chef on tonight.

These two things combined are enough to make me happy tonight.

My dad, who is a football watching, meat and potatoes type guy, called me tonight and told me I should watch Superstars of Dance, that it was amazing.

THAT is why I love you dad!

A Lorfeld Christmas tradition

It's a bit of a tradition in my family to do a puzzle over the Christmas/New Year's week. Normally, this is something my dad and I do together. This year we did that (we're actually still in the process), but I set my own dining table up as puzzle central as well. The problem is, once I start, I can't stop... Here's what I accomplished over about 3 nights (no, not all in a row!) this past week.

To 2009:

"Be always at war with your vices, at peace with your neighbors, and let each new year find you a better man."

-Benjamin Franklin

"One resolution I have made, and try always to keep, is this: To rise above the little things."

-John Burroughs

"We spend January 1 walking through our lives, room by room, drawing up a list of work to be done, cracks to be patched. Maybe this year, to balance the list, we ought to walk through the rooms of our lives... not looking for flaws, but for potential."

-Ellen Goodman