Christmas Tree Pictures!

The prospect of being snowed (or iced) in tomorrow has calmed me down a little and given me some room to breathe. I'm sure I'll be checking my work email throughout the day, but the fact that I'll be home has helped me feel like I can get a few of the things on my personal to-do list done during the day. It bummed me out that decorating my tree seemed like a chore this year, when it's something I normally love to do. Tonight, in my relaxed, breathing easier mood, the tree is now looking a little more like Christmas to me. Just a warning that it's not really your traditional Christmas tree, but when it comes to Christmas, I'm much more a pink and lime green girl than red and green!

Christmas Tree in my living room.

Jingle bell tree in my bedroom.

And a picture from the Christmas tree lighting I missed in Sheboygan!

And just because shoes are fun....

Fathers and Daughters

I experienced the amazing way a dad loves his child today. First, my own dad did some pretty amazing things, and let's just say he loves me in a way I really don't deserve. His generosity and willingness to help me when it's not always convenient for him are such an example of his selfless love for me.

Then, when I was working at Pier 1 this afternoon, a younger dad came in with his daughter who looked to be about 5 years old. They were carrying a basket, filled with pink and purple ornaments. They were playing with the stocking stuffers, ringing jingle bells, and finding ideas for their tree. I approached them to see if they needed any help, and somehow the conversation turned to their "life situation." He told me how this was their first Christmas "on their own," as he put it, and were looking to find ornaments for a tree since they didn't have any anymore. I helped them find a few things they were looking for, but then couldn't stop watching from afar as they continued shopping. I realize that part of being a parent is doing these everyday things with your kids, but I couldn't help but see how much he loved this little girl, seemed to enjoy being in Pier 1 (as a 3o-ish year old guy, that isn't the usual reaction we get in our store), and was making this fun for his daughter. I just wish I could have watched longer.

Need a smile?

A little progress is being made on getting my house ready for Christmas! Today the Christmas music was on, the tree and Nativity went up, and I took some Christmas card pictures.

After taking about 20 pictures hoping to find one that would work for the card, I was definitely having one of those "Wow, every picture of me looks like crap," days. And those kinds of thoughts tend to start to spiral fast. In the process of running a few errands, I stopped at the gas station. Today, in addition to my caffeine boost, I got myself a little much needed self-esteem boost too. The sweet girl working at the Citgo just stopped in the middle of my transaction, smiled at me, and said "Your hair looks really pretty!" I realize how simple that sounds, but she made my day. I hope someone made you smile today.

21 days

...until Christmas. And I'm not at all in the mood. I realize it's not about the lights, or the tree, or the fun pink wreath I have. It's not about the shopping, or the songs on the radio. But all of that stuff that provides a little atmosphere always makes it easier for me to start focusing on the real reason we celebrate. I often get so wrapped up in the to-do lists, that I miss the miracle of the baby Jesus. And even more so, I lose my focus on the grown-up Jesus. At this point, this is as far as I've gotten on getting my house ready for Christmas.

I'm praying I'll do a little better at getting my HEART ready for Christmas.

What's your favorite late night snack?

If you ever lived in the dorms at UW-Madison, you probably recognize this box.

A late night order from Ed's or Carson's and one of these babies shows up at your door. This particular box showed up at my door on Sunday night, thanks to my little brother living in the dorm, experiencing the deliciousness that is Juston Sticks himself, and remembering how much I said I liked them!


I got to enjoy some myself the past few days, thanks to an order from Matt big enough to give me leftovers for a couple nights! (*Update: I realize how gross this may look in the picture. Trust me, they're wonderful.)

Thanks Brother! Love you!

Random....

...but not insignificant.

1) Text message I got from my dad tonight that made me laugh out-loud: "I feel like a champion triathlete, I just completed the xword, sudoko and the kakuro!" Love that!

2) The cost of buying all items in The Twelve Days of Christmas this year: $86,609. Up 10.9% from last year. One question... how do you determine the cost of "Lords-a-leaping"? Ok, maybe this one was insignificant.

3) Looking for a little advice/accountability on this one. I'm having a rough time holding grudges lately. There are a few people in my life I feel like I need to have a real heart-to-heart with. And that's definitely a tough thing for me to do...

4) Lonely seems to be a very real feeling for me lately. And it's a bummer.

Just a short post wishing you a Happy December 1st. I know the month always flies by for me with a ton of craziness (all of it fun, but crazy nonetheless), but I'm hoping you and I both get a chance to slow down a bit and enjoy it.

Was it worth it?

A couple stories of Thanksgiving-time/Black Friday craziness...

http://www.nytimes.com/2008/11/29/business/29walmart.html?bl&ex=1228107600&en=95e0984e8f92cc7c&ei=5087%0A
Was it worth it to get your $30 digital picture frame, or whatever the big deal this year was? Don't get me wrong, I'm all about the Black Friday shopping - you can definitely find good deals. But I don't know that it's ever worth someone's life. I think the most outrageous part of this whole story is the comments made by shoppers as they left the store. "I've been in line since yesterday morning." First of all, that's nuts. At least enjoy your Thanksgiving. Second, a man died. Let's show a little class.

http://www.madison.com/tct/news/316235
Yes, this happened at the Pier 1 store I worked at. I was "on-call" to work that night, and Thank God I wasn't called in to work. While I don't know specifics on what this was "worth" to the man who did it, let's just say, I'm quite positive it wasn't financially worth it.

Hope your Thanksgiving was restful, and relatively uneventful. But let me know if you got any good deals/finds on your shopping trips!

A big thing happened this weekend....

I went to the library, got a new library card, and even checked two books out.

So you're saying to yourself, what's the big thing that happened this weekend Katrina?

If you've ever visited my place in person, you've likely seen something like this:

(that picture doesn't really do it justice...)

Let's just say I have this thing about buying books and making them my own. In the spirit of putting myself on a bit of a budget, I decided that the book buying fund was one that could get cut. At least until I read all of those sitting double-stacked on those shelves. Until then, to the library I go when I need that "new book" fix!

Hey E - see that black box on the low shelf?! ;)

Can you help a girl out?

I've been given the task/honor/job of hosting Thanksgiving Day appetizers next week (it's coming so fast!), mostly because the family that is coming to town wants to see my new place. Let's just say I have a lot to get done in the next 9 days (cleaning and unpacking in addition to a lot going on at work!), and I'm not much of a cook. Does anyone have any good/easy/ delicious/impressive recipes I could try??? Help me out if you have anything! If I get any recommendations, I promise there will be pictures and a story of the whole process - it should be entertaining! Thanks in advance!

Refrigerator Love

I realize it seems strange that 1) I'm taking pictures of my refrigerator, and 2) that I'm posting them on the blog. But what I see there has made me smile more and more by the day lately.

Those 5 cards you see there are from some pretty special people in my life, and three of them have been added in just the last two days! One is from grandma, one is from Nicole (my best friend in Madison whose made an appearance or two on the blog in both name and picture), one is from Kellie (mentioned in the last post!), and two are from Erin (one of my sisters from Sheboygan who is missed a ton and who deserves a shout-out on the blog because she's a fairly consistent commenter here on FF&TNP). Thanks for the mail girls! Anymore that comes will definitely find a place up there!

(Notice the two other little fun things - a penguin gel-cling thing that T (my "little sister" in Sheboygan will be getting in the mail soon herself) and the Badger Basketball schedule!)

One other note on the lame/strange picture... you know every blog post that has a picture automatically gets a little better than one that doesn't!

Met Baby Langdon

Tonight I spent about an hour over at Kellie and Nate's meeting the first baby to be born to my high school circle of friends. It's always nice to hold a tiny baby (6 days old in this case!), but it was just as nice to be able to catch up with his parents. First off the baby details - Langdon Joseph was born last Monday morning, close to 8 pounds, and perfect in every way. Mom's doing great, even to the point of having him out and about a little. He even went to his first Packer Party today, and saw a good win!

I feel bad saying this, and it isn't meant to take anything away from the miracle that is the baby, but I almost needed the time to catch up with Kellie and Nate more than to see Langdon. Is that completely selfish of me?

Kellie and Nate, despite the fact that I don't see them all that often, are fabulous friends. They know what's going on in your life, and remember and think to ask questions about how specific things are going. They're genuinely interested, and can balance their 6 day old child with caring about friends. It was great to see the cool things happening in their life with their beautiful baby, and really good to have them as friends in my own life.

83 cents of bliss

It's about the little things lately. Slippers, just sitting down on the couch, my fabulous gas fireplace that lights up with a fun little sound the moment I flip the switch, and....

Genuine Diet Faygo Redpop! This little grocery store find has made my night the last few days. It's the little things.

Operation Condo Update

Closing on the condo was October 14th. Today is November 8. Here's the progress that has been made!

Living and Dining room (also where most of the unpacking is happening!)

Green kitchen - I love it! My mom and I found the square art over the sink (that you can't see) today on our marathon shopping trip down in Schaumburg, and I LOVE it in this spot. I'm not sure that the picture does it justice, but it completely ties in the vases and fun colored plates above the cabinets.

Hallway to the bedrooms, just wanted a picture of the fun rug we got at Ikea today.

Spare bedroom - there's a place just waiting for you all to come visit! The room is painted pink and gray, and just feels pretty glam. Still a lot of unpacking to do here, but I love how fun it looks.

My bedroom! So happy to have my own bed again! And the black wrought iron against the blue works.

I'm definitely excited about the whole condo thing, and having a place of my own. But I'm having some mixed emotions about the whole doing it on my own part. I've prided myself on being on my own, and being able to handle things without help (i.e. a man!), and there are days where it's easy to remember that and be ok with it. And there are days where it's so hard. The days when I moved boxes in on my own, making 10 trips down to my car, without someone to help hold the door, or another set of hands to help carry the awkward stuff. Yesterday was one of those days. Today has been better, and I'm thankful that I can lay on my couch, watching trashy tv, having popcorn that I don't have to share!

VOTE
tomorrow (if you haven't already)!

I definitely have my own (strong) political opinions, but I feel even more strongly about exercising my right to vote. Your vote counts. It matters. Get informed. It is your responsibility. Stand in line as long as it takes. Make sure your voice is heard. Get out and vote!

Just a quick post with a kind of fun picture from the women's retreat back in Sheboygan last weekend. I love me some flipflops, even on a late October day in Wisconsin - by the lake nonetheless! (I didn't dare put my feet in the water though - a month ago, definitely, but it's almost winter here now, I know better than that!)

Runnin'

I feel like I'm running a marathon length race at a sprint speed lately. Life has been pretty busy, with a lot of things I'd love to share on the blog, but I also feel I need to do them justice by giving them the attention they deserve in the telling of the stories. Some of them funny, some of them tear-inducing, some of them controversial.

Let's see what I can do to at least give you a little update on what's been going on and what's been going through my head.

My weeks have been a little crowded. Monday nights is Life Group with the peeps from Blackhawk. Tuesday nights is stained glass class with Nicole. Wednesday night has been condo updating/moving night recently. Thursday night is working at Pier 1. Friday night has actually been open. Saturday night doesn't have anything regular going on but often gets filled up. Sunday is working at Pier 1 and worship at Blackhawk. Monday it starts all over again. I don't mean to complain about any of this, it's been fun, it just makes for some busy days - and nights.

I've promised condo redecorating pictures, so here they are! Some at least...

The whole process at my new "house" a "home" (that sounds so strange to say!) is still a work in progress, but it's getting there.

The Crossroads Community Church Women's Retreat was this weekend and was really good. I had a blast catching up with some of my girlfriends in Sheboygan, listened to a wonderful speaker, and am still processing a lot of the stuff she taught. That's one of the things that needs a little more thought before I go into it too much... but hopefully more to come.

While I was in Sheboygan, I also got to catch up with some other friends. Dinner (at Chili's of course - one of the best restaurants in town!) with Andy and Brandon and then just a lot of catching up with those guys. If you're reading this, thanks AD, it was much needed.

And one other thing I've been contemplating blogging about.... politics. Something I'm completely passionate about, but am a little tentative to start talking about on here. Just not sure how it will all go over (not that that is the point), and want to be able to accurately state what I think. For now, let's just leave it at this... I'm loving watching the 24 hour news coverage of the campaigns. I know it drives other people C-R-A-Z-Y, but I'm getting my "once every four years" fix of it right now and soaking it all up while I can! We'll see if I work up the courage to tell you what I think about all of it within the next week.

Enough of the random blogging for now. Hopefully there will be a more cohesive post in the very near future. Thanks for hanging in there with me if you're still reading.

And one last thing - a big hello to all the Sheboygan women who might be stopping by after either finding out about or being reminded of the blog! It was awesome to see you this weekend, catch up, laugh, and cry with you! I'll be back soon, and leave me a hello in the comments if you are here!

More later - K

A quick update:

1. Bedroom painted Rhythmic Blue - check!
2. Master bathroom painted Ocean's Kiss - check!
3. Kitchen painted Village Green - check!
4. Living Room (all but the big green monster) and hallway painted White Stallion - check!
5. Erin visiting this past weekend for a ton of help at the condo, some shopping and even more catching up - check! (So glad you came darlin'! I missed you and needed some girlfriend time! Can't wait until you're here for just some FUN rather than work!)
6. Start new part time job at Pier 1 for a little extra cash and a sweet discount - check!
7. Negotiate part time job for the spring with the accounting firm to prep taxes - check!
8. Finish stained glass project from Tuesday night class - check! (The picture doesn't quite do it justice, but you'll see it again when it gets hung in my master bedroom.)
9. Fight this nasty cold that came at just the wrong time - (waiting for the check on this one)
10. Attend the Crossroads Women's Retreat this weekend at the Osthoff in Elkhart Lake - can't wait to check this one off!

Plenty more pictures to come - condo updates and retreat pictures early next week! Hope your week is going well!

-K

Closed!

Closing on MY condo was today! Everything went well - totally exciting (to have my own place and be doing it on my own), and completely nerve-wracking (to think of the magnitude of it), all at the same time. I'll get over the nerves, but stay excited! Enjoy a few "before" pictures for now. Plenty more to come!

View from the main door onto my porch!

Living room - with two sided gas fireplace!

Kitchen - the red has already been covered!

Master bedroom - again, the red is gone!

Master bath - do I need two sinks? No, but it's fun!

Second bedroom - the yellow will be something different eventually.

"Where people of goodwill get together and transcend their differences for the common good, peaceful and just solutions can be foudn even for those problems which seem most intractable."

-Nelson Mandela

Happy Fall.

It was the PERFECT fall day today. What a surprise to have an 80 degree day in October in Wisconsin. Nicole and I took advantage of it with a trip to the pumpkin patch, with a hayride (with two different pairs of horses - Max and Eric, and Dick and Dock!) to pick out any pumpkin you could carry, and a 15 acre corn maze to get lost in. We didn't get lost, but actually made it through pretty quickly. There was no messing around for us - we were on a mission, and didn't have any use for the "emergency" map they gave us. Two perfect pumpkins and two pairs of dirty shoes and jeans later, we were on our way to the Wollersheim Winery to check out the remodeling and get a bottle of Prairie Fume. I'll take a Saturday like this anytime!

Let's hope Nicole doesn't mind that I put her picture on the blog.

Hang in there with me...

I'll be back soon enough. Just a little crazy busy and stressed out right now, and not ready to be totally vulnerable about what's going on by putting it all on the blog. I'm sure I'll be sharing a whole lot of it soon enough!

I realize I've been a little absent from the blog world lately. A bit of an explanation...

It seems like life has gotten a little crazy in the last week or so with the news of the condo actually happening and everything that comes along with house buying. I'm keeping it short, but do ask for your prayers that everything goes smoothly with the remaining arrangements that have to fall into place to make things happen. Hopefully there will be house pictures and painting pictures coming your way soon - along with more updates about the everyday life stuff that's going on with me!

Remembering to Trust

I should have blogged yesterday.

Let's start there. I'm going to pretend that today didn't happen for the time being.

God is SO good!!

I've kind of alluded to a lot of the "stuff" that's been going on in my life. Things like feeling a little trapped living back at my parents house, and condo hunting, and car problems. All of these were the things that hit on Saturday, cause a lot of tears to fall, sent me on a hike, and ultimately brought me to my knees calling (and crying) out to Him.

After spending over $1000 on my car (that I just paid off two weeks ago) for repairs, I got it back this last weekend with something else wrong - un-driveable condition wrong. The condo I had found was looking like it was never going to happen, and I was envisioning living at my parents forever. (I realize that was a little irrational, but a lot of what I think is irrational.)

Fast forward two days. On Monday, life started coming together in an amazing way. I took the car back in, and in very mechanical terms they explained that they had messed something up, and they rebuilt my brakes entirely, at their cost. The condo negotiations started to come together... and here's the big news... we actually have a deal! (Much more on that to come, but for now let's keep it at the stuff that's even bigger on my mind right now.) Monday night was my first "Life Group" meeting (aka Small Group), which just gave me some much needed fellowship. It made me hopeful for relationship possibilities here in Madison.

On Tuesday, the way God was (and still is!) working was SO clear! All day long, it was like He was saying directly to me, "Kate, do you see how much I love you?," "Do you trust me now?," "Do you see how big I am? None of this is too big for me to handle if you'll just let me." It was so obvious the way He had His hand on me, loved me, and was working His good plan for my life.

It's much easier to see Him working when He works things out the way we want Him to. It's much tougher when things don't go the way we planned.

It's days like today that we need to remember days like my Monday.

Without giving you too many of the teary, confusing details... With the way the economy has been spinning out of control, the condo loan I had planned on and built my budget around is no longer available, and the options are more limited, and more expensive. Long story (which I can't go into without more tears that I'm not ready to shed) short, I'm going forward, prayerfully, with the condo. Everything else says do this. And I'm learning to trust Him. I'm a "numbers girl" at heart (who else loves spending her days looking at spreadsheets and databases?), and have spent the night playing with my budget, and figuring out how to make it work. No huge worries, I'll be ok, just with a few changes in the way I live.

In a way, it's exciting to see how God will work and make Himself known through all of this. Today I'm convinced that He has a good plan for me, and I can't wait to see what's coming my way next. Tonight, I'll fall on my knees, praising Him for all the ways He is so good, and trusting Him with everything that comes next.

One other note and request for all of you out there in my blog-world of friends.... remind me of this post next time I'm freaking out, trying to do it alone, doubting Him.

Throwing out the map

I had one of those mornings where I just needed God to show up so badly. Ok, it's really been one of those weeks, but it brought me to my knees this morning. I was definitely tired of fighting. I found myself back in bed after being up for a couple hours this morning, just sobbing into my pillow, praying to just fall asleep so it would all go away. (Or just be shoved aside, never to really be dealt with.) I was praying for God to show up. Praying for Him to fix things. To fix the brakes on my car. To fix the whole loving situation/place to be at "home" thing by making the real estate agent call back finally. To just let me go to sleep.

He wasn't having any of it. At least He wasn't having my plans, because He had his own (surprise, surprise!).

Now let's just get something straight. I am by no means what you'd call a nature girl. I really don't like the woods or being too far from civilization. I want to be able to get a Diet Coke whenever I want one. I want to be able to turn on the radio and sing or scream or cry with it. Stick with me, this is going somewhere.

As I was laying in my bed, not falling asleep, the car still a mess, phone not ringing with the call I've been waiting for, He told me to get up, and drive to a state park just outside of Madison. Huh? Sure, I know where Governor Nelson State Park is, but I haven't been there in years. It's a park, with woods, and animals, and hiking trails. It's not really my kind of place. But somehow I knew I needed to be there. I was trusting I needed to go, but I wasn't sure was going to happen when I got there, so I still had a backup plan. I at least brought my "fun" book and a blanket, and my plan was to park myself at the beach and get lost in a novel. So, I drove the 15 miles or so to get there. Paid my $7 to get in. Grabbed a map. And found a parking spot. Now what. The map had 4 hiking paths marked out, and I had parked at the beginning of one of them. I thought... why not. Let's hike.

To get an idea for how unprepared I was for this walk, check out the shoes I wore on this little trip.


I ended up on a 2 mile trail, walking through the woods. I had a map in my back pocket with all these fun little facts about trees along the trail, how the lakes in Madison were formed. Now also remember that this isn't really my element. Everytime I saw one of the little number markers on the path that indicated the map had some extra info, I found myself pulling out the map, reading about it, and also just making sure I was going the right way. I really didn't care about the trees. Or the lakes. Or any of the history. I was really only looking at the map to make sure I wasn't going to get lost out in this woods. I know this is completely irrational. This was a WELL groomed path, that is nearly impossible to wander off of unintentionally.

The whole idea of making sure I'm on the right track is just so typical for me. I need to make sure everything is going the way I plan it. Life should be mapped out, I have it mapped out in my head, and life gets thrown in a tailspin when something goes wrong. Exactly like it did this morning. It's the little things - like the car being repaired, but coming back with something else wrong, or not getting a phone call when I expect it - that can just take me down for the count.

I was about 3/4 of a mile into the hike (I know because I had it all measured out on the map of course!), when I finally realized how little attention I was paying to everything around me - the bird hanging upside down on a tree limb, the spider web stretching almost three feet between two branches, the tiny bright purple flowers soaking up the sun. At that point, I made a conscious decision to keep the map in my back pocket for the rest of the hike, and just trust that the path would take me in the right direction, and eventually lead me out of the woods.

It's incredible how much nicer the walk was after that. For the whole first mile, I didn't see any other people walking. After that, I ran into an older woman who smiled at me and commented about how nice it was that we had a warm day in September. I met a man walking his brand new puppy who I knelt down and played with for awhile. A kid out for a run (who did two circuits of the path while I was walking that last mile!) who just smiled as he passed. I noticed the sun breaking through the trees more. And even better, I noticed God showing up for me just when I most needed Him.

No, my car isn't magically fixed. The phone call didn't come. I'm still dealing with some of the crap that runs through my head. But I know He's there. And I'll be ok without that map I so often depend on. He has a map that's so much better than mine. And even better than having a map in my back pocket, is having Him on the walk with me every step of the way.

You ladies from Tennessee are wonderful.

Ramona from Knoxville made my day yesterday.

No, not a blog follower. Or even a blogger. At least not that I know of.

Ramona works at the call center for US Cellular.

Last night I was driving the beltline home at about 9:00, pretty wiped out, a little frazzled, and trying to figure out all the financial and car and condo stuff. And I realized randomly how much I had been texting this past month. And that I don't have a texting plan on my cell phone. And they just raised rates to 25 cents a text. And I'm trying hard to get on a better budget to make the car and condo stuff happen. And my cell phone is coming to the end of a billing cycle.

Being that it was already 9:00, I wasn't going to make it to a US Cellular store last night, but I thought I might, just might, be able to change my plan over the phone.

I "#729"ed it (#PAY), and after getting through the maze of "Push 1" commands, got a voice, or rather, a cough.

When I'm in a crummy mood, I tend to take it out on the people I love the most, and am much more pleasant to complete strangers. (Not one of my best traits... I'm working on that.) She apologized, and I told her that it was fine and to take her time. She went on to explain how her voice was almost gone as it was almost the end of her shift. And how the sudafed she had taken earlier was wearing off. Then we got down to business. A little. At least we got as far as me telling her I wanted to add a text package to my plan.

She proceeded to ask me "Did you meet some nice honey that you've been texting too much darlin'?"

I told her no, but that I wish I had! She was working on getting my plan all updated, but while she was doing that, I learned...

• how she lost her mom earlier this year to Alzheimer's
• that her dad has, in not so many words, asked for her permission to start going out with women again
• how he's (her dad) been going dancing down at the American Legion
• that she's trying out the online dating thing
• that her daughter is in the Air Force and is in Las Vegas right now
• that her daughter has recently gone through a divorce
• that she used to work construction (with someone named Bubba!)
• that she's 5'9" (and said she was tall - I told her I had her beat at 5'11")
• we both wondered why tall men always go for the teensy-weensy women
• how she was wearing 3" high wedge sandals that she got for under $4 at the end of last season

She was telling me all about this with her sweet accent. In the middle of it I had to ask her where she was a from, when she laughed and told me "Eastern Tennessee. Knoxville." A conversation with a friendly voice, who could make me laugh, and instantly feel like a friend was just what I needed last night.

US Cellular will definitely be getting a letter from me commending their customer service reps.

And Ramona will be getting a call again as soon as I find that "honey" I have to text message!

Torn, lost, but still hopeful

I'm completely torn tonight.

On one hand, it was a great night. I have found a church I like for it's worship and teaching, but wasn't real sure how to get connected to anyone at a place that serves thousands of people a week. I was blessed to be part of several small groups during my time in Sheboygan, and was really hoping to find something like that back in Madison. And tonight was the first step. I went to the small group (Life Groups at Blackhawk) kickoff tonight, and at least have a group that I'm part of now. It's strange to think that three years ago, the idea of being in a "small group" of people from church was terrifying. Now it's something I've been needing! I'm also so excited about the fact that it's a group of people who are all pretty much in my demographic. One of the benefits of being at a bigger church, is that there are enough single 20/30 year olds to form a bunch of groups! I've never before been in a group like this, and I'm kind of looking forward to how the dynamics work when people are closer to the same life situation.

I have to admit though, it isn't a whole lot of fun to think about having to learn to be vulnerable
in front of a whole new group of people....

Especially when I'm feeling like this....

So lost. So unloved, and even unloveable. The whole love thing doesn't make a whole lot of sense to me. I know I've been at this point before, and I know I'll pull myself (well, ok, I won't do it myself, it never works that way) out of it eventually, but when you're sitting in this place, it flat out sucks. I don't have any better words for it right now. I'm so tempted to draw into myself, to pull away from people. The one thing I know that is different this time around, is that I've started to run to Him. Ok, time for truth, I'm not running to Him, but at least there are a few steps in His direction. And that is better than before.

For now...

"Lord I'm tired, So tired from walking; And Lord I'm so alone, And Lord the dark, is creeping in; Creeping up, to swallow me; I think I'll stop, Rest here awhile. And this is all that I can say right now, And this is all that I can give; And this is all that I can say right now, And this is all that I can give, that's my everything.

And didn't You see me cryin'?, And didn't You hear me call Your name?; Wasn't it You I gave my heart to?, I wish You'd remember, where You sat it down. And this is all that I can say right now, I know it's not much; But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything; This is all that I can say right now, I know it's not much; But this is all that I can give, Yeah that's my everything.

I didn't notice You were standing here; I didn't know that, that was You holding me; I didn't notice You were cryin' too; I didn't know that, that was You washing my feet; And this is all that I can say right now, oh, I know it's not much; But this is all that I can give, yeah that's my everything."

A Little Sports News

I realize it's old news, but it still makes me happy....

Charter now has Big Ten Network!

AND...

The Badgers won last night!

AND...

The Packers won today!

I've been living back with my parents for 9 weeks now.

I'm living in the guest room.

I'm living out of a suitcase.

All of my "stuff" is in a storage unit a mile and a half from the house.

There have been at least two other people living here the whole time I've been here.

I'm back at the house that was my home for about 13 years, but it doesn't feel like home anymore.

I'm longing for a place to get away and have some space and time to myself.

Take my word for it...

I found this interesting article on MSNBC.com today about the 10 Coolest Small Towns. I see number 1, ok, some place in New York. I'm sure it's cool. See number 2 and realize I've been there, Manitou Springs, CO. I agree, it is cool. It sits right at the bottom of Pikes Peak near Colorado Springs. I've checked out the shops there, had lunch at one of the little cafes. So far so good with this list. I'm with 'em. Number 3, a little town in Ohio, Yellow Springs, sounds pretty enough. And then.... I look at number 4.

Mazomanie, Wisconsin.

You have got to be kidding.

Been there too. As they say, its 24 miles from Madison. Apparently Erik Torkells (who wrote this section of the article) is enamoured by the artist co-op and the dance studio with a circus camp. A store that sells Wisconsin-made souvenirs (a souvenir from Mazo - exciting!), and even the clothing-optional beach.

I went to this little town every Friday, of every week, of every summer vacation in elementary school, for the weekly trip to the "Mazo Pool" with daycare. I remember the bus ride (that seemed to take forever with three kids to a vinyl bus seat on hot summer days), and lunch at the park shelter, ineveitably swarming with bees, hoping that your lunch didn't get lost on the way, and getting about a half hour in the crazy crowded pool, before making the long bus trip back, only this time in your wet clothes after swimming. Oh, the memories. (*One note: I always feel guilty saying bad things about the daycare I went to as a child, mostly because it was a wonderful place for me to be as a kid. I was lucky enough to go to a Christian daycare, even before that was a significant part of my, or anyone in my family's, life. I had wonderful teachers who loved me, and gave me a safe place to be, where my parents felt comfortable leaving me. They allowed my mom the opportunity to be a better mom by giving her the chance to work and do the things she loved, while still keeping me well taken care of. Thanks CFK!)

Let me tell you from first hand experience. The place isn't that exciting. Save yourself the time, and find a different small town in Wisconsin to experience. I can guarantee you there are better ones.

Only one thing to say tonight...

PACKERS WIN!

And Aaron Rodgers, you have some pretty eyes!

"That girl"...

It's been one of those days. I realize I just posted 8 hours ago about what a good day it was, and clearly, parts of it were wonderful. But those doubts and other nasty things have made their way into my head, and are consuming me now. And I find myself having trouble falling asleep, so here I am.

It all started at church this morning. I'm definitely digging the church I've been checking out since I got back to Madison. Worship is great, messages are good... but... it's BIG. We're talking 1,000 people at a service, and they do four of them a Sunday! I'm coming from my cozy little church plant in Sheboygan, where you at least recognized most people, and knew a lot of them by name. It was comfortable. It was home. And there's this great song that I've associated with Crossroads in Sheboygan since that Vision Sunday service this May. And then today, they introduced and sang it at Blackhawk here in Madison. Now I've been missing a lot of my Sheboygan friends lately, and being in this new church with this old song was too much. As soon as they started to play "God of this City," the tears started falling. To borrow a line from K, I was "That girl!"


K told me the story about the Sunday she was in this new church (same one I'm talking about!), and didn't know anyone, so she was sitting by strangers, and started crying during the message. I know you've been there. It just hits you and there's no stopping the crying. She told me how she's sure the people who were near her went home that day and were praying for her throughout the week, thanking God that she was there that day, and that He was working on her heart. She told me how she wanted to tell them to not misunderstand, that she knew Jesus and they didn't have to worry about her, but it was just one of those days! That was me today. Missing Sheboygan as the worship team at Blackhawk sang "God of this City." In my mind, that song belongs to Zach.


"You're the God of this city, You're the King of these people, You're the Lord of this nation, You are. For there is no one like our God. There is no one like our God. Greater things have yet to come, greater things are still to be done in this city. Greater things have yet to come, and greater things are still to be done here. You're the strength in our weakness, You're the love to the broken, You're the joy in the sadness, You are. For there is no one like our God. There is no one like our God."

I'm just feeling like I'm at that low point, where there isn't really an explanation for it. Trying to find my place in this kind of new life, in a new town, with new people. I knew it would be different when I came back after being gone for three years, I guess I just wasn't completely prepared for how to deal with it and what to do about it. I know He has great things in store, I'm just growing impatient waiting for them to happen. If it's ok to covet your prayers, I could use them. Just for some peace about where I'm at. Assurance that He has a plan that's better than anything I could dream up. And for my heart (and head too!) to get more refocused on Him.

Perks of Madison

One of the perks of being back in Madison is I get to see that brother I mentioned in the last post more. Another perk, all the fun stuff Madison has to offer. I'm combining both of them today. Hanging out with Matt at the Memorial Union Terrace by the lake on a BEAUTIFUL day. Wish you were here.

On Being a Sister

My favorite moment of the Republican National Convention....

Even though I'm a self-proclaimed political junkie, a discussion of the politics will have to wait. For now, just enjoy this fun moment of a little girl being a big sister. On a day when I've gotten to be a big sister to my little brother, I wish making him feel better was as easy as fixing his hair.

I love you brother, and it's all going to be ok. Remember you can call me anytime - day or night.

I got tagged!!!

So this blogging thing is something I've kind of been doing for fun for awhile now, not with a whole lot of intention of having many people reading it. Don't get me wrong, I knew that people could, and I mentioned that I had a blog to a few people who I knew might have fun keeping up with it, but I don't have that big of a reading audience. At least not a reading audience that let's me know that they're out there. So when I got tagged (basically mentioned in someone else's blog, giving a survey/get to know you type topic to blog about that they had already written on) by Anita at http://mudandcoffee.blogspot.com/ it was pretty exciting! So here goes.... you might learn a thing or two about me through this - enjoy!

1. I think I might have to work on opening myself up a little more now that I'm back in Madison, wanting/needing to meet new people and restart life here after moving from Sheboygan.

2. I am a "Christmas light snob", a title my mom gives me every Christmas season when we discuss what kind of lights my parents should put on their house. I don't like colored Christmas lights. At all. Anywhere. Lining rooftops, wound in trees in the yard, on a tree in the house, it has to be white. Don't get me wrong, I don't have a problem with other people using colored lights (although I always like the houses decorated in white better), I will just never be using colored lights myself.

3. I have been having a really hard time falling asleep lately. Not sure why, but a couple of ideas... I'm reading a suspense/mystery novel which isn't typically my type, and tends to freak me out right before I turn off the light. I'm missing my brother. I've been living back at home (temporarily!) for the last 6 weeks, and got used to my brother whispering good night whenever he got home and I was already half asleep. He moved into the dorms on Thursday, and hasn't been around the past few nights, so it's been an adjustment. I also think I'm missing my own bed, which is in storage for now - it's tightening the timeline for finding my own place a little.

4. I am addicted to pedicures (See the name of the blog!), MSNBC (Especially during election season.), and good books (The bad part of this addiction is that I really don't like library books, so I always have to buy my own. I love being able to crack the spine of a book, even though I try not to do that until I'm at least half way through, and to write notes in margins and underline good lines.)

5. I can sneeze six times in a row. In the office at my last job, it became a game to "Guess how many times Katrina will sneeze today!" I almost always make it to four (on a rare day only three), but occasionally would get up to five or six. We always knew when someone new was around, as they'd give me a "Bless you" after only one. Everyone else always laughed and said something to the effect of "Oh, she's not nearly done."

6. I might be putting an offer in on a condo in the very near future. I know I want to buy a place of my own and start building a little equity, but it's a little scary to make that leap and write the offer, knowing the amount of money that would be on the line if it all happens! I'll keep you posted on the progress there though - could be some exciting news coming up!

7. I have hope. Sounds pretty simple, but it's taken me awhile to realize it, and even longer to really understand and live like I have it. Oh, I also have big feet - size 12 to be exact. And you're right, not many manufacturers make 12s, but thankfully, Payless carries them, and they are cheap!

Unfortunately, the only people I know of who actually read this blog, don't have their own. So I can't do the part of tagging where I continue the chain and try to get someone else to post. If you're out there reading and have your own blog, let me know. I might tag you, but I promise not to harass if you don't feel like doing it! And besides, I'd love to be checking out your blog myself!

Hindsight

Dear Katrina,

In a few days, you'll start college! You've worried, and been excited, and been nervous. You've got your dorm room set up just right - with a few frantic phone calls home for things you forgot. I know you're thinking how final it seems to have moved your stuff out of mom and dad's house, but don't worry about it too much. It'll be home again next summer, and the summer after that, and then many weekends after that. Sure, they'll change your room into a guest room, but it'll still be yours absolutely any day or night you need or want it. They won't move on too far without you. The good news is you can go home again. But the even better news is, you'll come to a point where you don't need or necessarily want to. Not because it isn't home, but because you'll make a home of your own.

Don't worry about not leaving Madison to go to school "away from home". In a few years, you'll be needing your family even more than you do today. You'll fight a battle you don't think you'll be ready for, but they'll be there for you, and you'll find an even greater source of strength than you can possibly imagine today. And you'll have your chance to move out of town in a few years. You'll never guess it now, but you're going back near mom and dad's old stomping ground - you're heading to Sheboygan babe! And get this, you'll actually enjoy it! So don't worry about being in Madison for now. (But go ahead and fall in love with the town, because you'll be back there again soon enough too!)

I know you're nervous about classes and life here on campus. Concerned about who you'll sit by. If you'll be able to keep up and handle the studying. Wondering what you'll do on the weekends. I know not to tell you not to worry (because that definitely doesn't do you any good!), but don't be too concerned. You're on a campus of 40,000 students, which can be intimidating, but also offers you 39,999 other people to meet and so many other ways to find your place in the world. You'll find friends, and lose them, and then find more. You'll get involved in organizations, quit them, and find others. You won't fit the stereotypical mold of a student on this campus, but you'll fit your mold.

Don't devote too much of your time or heart to those guys you think are so important. They'll break your heart. But you'll get so much stronger because of them - and you'll be more discerning in the future! Be a friend even when its tough, even to people who are tough to be a friend too. You'll need them yourself sometime soon. And as tough as some of those roommates are, put up with them. They're giving you a chance to learn how confront people at least a little better - all because of a little fight over a cardboard box in the hallway of all things! Give it a few years, you'll understand all too well soon enough. But roommates won't be all bad. One of them will give you the privilege of being her maid of honor, and they'll be the ear who hears when you need to talk, the shoulder when you need one to cry on, and always there to laugh at the joke no one else will. Cherish them.

Go to class, get ice cream at 11:45 right before closing, stay up all night watching election results come in (because the 2000 election will be one to go down in history!), decide to do the year of grad school to get your Masters (even though it'll give you a student loan to pay off), find your niche in classes, with friends, in your church, in student organizations, and as a graduate making your way in the world. Cut yourself some slack, enjoy yourself, and relax - you're going to make it girl!

Love,
Yourself

Happy 50th Crayola 64!

This year marks the 50th anniversary of Crayola's box of 64 crayons. You got it - the one with a built in sharpener! In honor of back to school time and memories of getting that brand new box of crayons (or markers or colored pencils - they were all good) before school started, try out this fun game and see how many of the colors you remember.

http://www.crayola.com/promos/64boxBirthday/colorQuizzer.cfm

Try it and let me know if you beat my score of 23 wrong before finishing!

Lots of nights of little sleep ahead

As someone who has been called a fan of strange sports (right Tracy?) and a political junkie (just ask the college roommates who had to live with me watching MSNBC through election seasons), this time of year is about my favorite.

For the past two weeks, I've devoted FAR too much time to watching and cheering for people I'd never heard of compete in sports I never knew of prior to these Olympic games. Ok, I knew of most of the sports, but wouldn't call myself a devoted follower. Tonight I found myself cheering for the guy from Belarus in the final event of the decathlon. Who does that?! And now I'm up watching the late-night edition of the games, waiting for synchronized swimming - the quintessential "weird sport." But wow, it looks tough! And while it's great that we've been able to see some of the event finals live at night because they were happening in the morning in Beijing, I haven't been able to tear myself away from Bob Costas to get to bed at a decent time. Maybe Sunday night I'll actually get a good 8 hours.

But wait....

As soon as the Olympics are over, election season will just be heating up. More tv/news I can't seem to get enough of.

Monday starts the Democratic National Convention, a three day break, and the following Monday (Labor Day) starts the Republican National Convention. I realize most people won't find that very exciting, but I can't get enough of it. And both fortunately (because I love it) and unfortunately (because I'll stay up late watching the analysis by all the pundits), it won't end until November when the election is over!

Because I did Olympic thoughts yesterday, how about a few political thoughts?

1. Anyone on Obama's text message list to find out who his running mate will be? I couldn't bring myself to sign up on his website and risk being bombarded with emails. While it would be cool to get that one big text from Barack, I'm not sure I want to be hearing directly from him for the next two and a half months. Besides, you can bet MSNBC will be updated with the candidate mere seconds after that message is sent out. And as much as I check my news websites, I'll have the name of the potential VP soon enough.

**UPDATE**
As I was typing this, I thought maybe I should check msnbc.com right now.... In case you hadn't heard, Joe Biden it is (per the Associated Press).

2. John McCain seriously doesn't know how many homes he has?!? I realize these guys are answering question after question, hour after hour, day after day, and they're constantly watching what they say. But you don't remember how many houses you have? That worries me....

Calling Boston.... again!

Hello to my favorite dentist (I'm assuming that's still accurate...)! Shoot me an email, I'd love to catch up!!

kjlorfeld@hotmail.com

And to all of you other people lurking but not saying anything, I'd love to chat with you too. Let me know who you are in a comment! I suppose you could email me too considering I just gave y'all my email address.... but comments on the blog are so much more fun!

A few Olympic thoughts...

1. Michael Phelps = amazing. I just hope he doesn't screw up again like he did right after Athens with his DUI. Also, a bit of fun trivia... Phelps and Coach Bowman are being honored at Michigan (before they skip town to head back to Baltimore) at the Sept. 27th game against Wisconsin! (Working on getting tickets to be there! Not for Phelps, but for the Badgers of course!)

2. There is no way those Chinese girls are 16. And leave it to the US computer experts to uncover documents to prove it. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/26337759/ How do you feel about them losing medals if it's true? 4 years ago when there was controversy in men's gymnastics (regarding start value of a routine by a Korean), the US was the beneficiary (with Paul Hamm getting the gold). We didn't want them to look at the facts after the fact then. As disappointing as it would be if the Chinese were actually using younger girls (both because we took second to them, and because of the toll it has to take on those poor girls both physically and emotionally being used by their country in that way), I'm not sure that I'm ready to ask them to be stripped of their medals. Any thoughts?

3. I feel terrible for the US women's softball team in their loss to Japan today. It's sad enough that the sport won't be making an appearance in the 2012 games, but it just makes it worse to have their first ever loss be in the gold medal game.

4. Usain "Lightning" Bolt. Crazy fast, but also crazy immature. The way he won, letting up before the finish line, and dismissing all the other runners completely, kind of takes away from the Olympic spirit. Obviously my argument would be better received if it were from a fellow Olympian, it's just disappointing to see someone with so much talent have so little consideration or respect for others. Maybe I'm overreacting.

5. The commercial for the DVD of the (4 hour long!) opening ceremony says something to the effect of it being remembered and talked about forever. Are you serious?? Sure it was impressive, but I'm willing to bet I won't remember or be talking about it come November! And I'm not spending $20 or whatever it is for the DVD!

In the Light

When I told the story of my baptism on Monday, I found it really easy to just gloss over my whole story of coming to know Christ. As I thought about it through the week, I was more and more convicted of how I wasn't really telling the story at all if I didn't tell it all, and not telling the story takes so much of the glory away from God, and just makes it sound like a cool story of something that happened to Katrina. And that isn't the intent of baptism at all!

Yes, it was a cool day in my life. But an even cooler day for Him, as 16 people publicly professed their faith and told the story of what He has done in their lives. While I knew when I wrote the first post that I should tell my whole story, I know now that it's something that shouldn't wait, and deserves to be told. So here goes. Hold on tight.

Before I came to really know Jesus, I looked a lot like a Christian. I knew Bible stories, and had memorized words to songs, and could probably have fooled a lot of people into believing I was a Christian. Outwardly, everything looked good. Inwardly, I was a mess. I was anxious. I worried a lot. I beat myself up whenever I wasn't perfect. I thought I should have been able to make everything in life work on my own, without looking for or accepting help from anyone else. With that said, for awhile, I seemed to be doing ok this way. I was able to make it work on the outside, despite how much it was tearing my apart on the inside.

Looking back now, I can see two clear times in my life where I battled pretty severe depression. The first, in my senior year of high school, I wasn't able to hold things together very well on my own, but I had great friends and family who were able to help get me through it, and at least get enough of a band-aid to fix things temporarily. I realized then that I couldn't do it on my own, but I turned to earthly relationships as a fix. Then, in my junior year of college, about two and a half years later, things started to fall apart again. But this time, worse than before. I was trying hard to make life look good, and I started to avoid people who may have been able to at least help because I didn't want to burden them with my problems. The more I did this, the worse things got. I had trouble getting out of bed to make it to classes I loved. I just didn't see the point in going. I passed up opportunities to go out and see friends. I avoided conversations with my parents because I didn't want to crack in front of them.

The day my grandfather died in May of 2003, a friend of mine (let's call him R) happened to call to invite me to church with him. With the news of my grandpas death, I think I was just vulnerable enough to accept his invitation to go. I can't say anything special happened that day, except that I saw a friend who cared about me, and he took me to a church where people had something cool. It was appealing enough that I started to go with him fairly regularly. I was still battling my depression on my own, but I was starting to hear about having this "personal relationship with Jesus."

One day in July of 2003, I was headed to church again with R when he warned me that the service that night was going to be a little heavy. A college aged girl at the church had committed suicide the week earlier. I immediately saw myself in her. I had had thoughts of doing the same thing many times. That night, I heard a message about finding hope in Jesus Christ, and basically not having to do life on your own. I heard the verse that says "Cast your worries on Him, because He cares for you." - 1 Peter 5:7 - and for the first time, it made sense. I told R what was going on in my heart and head and about my depression. He drove me home that night, and I remember so clearly falling on the living room floor at my parents house, just sobbing, and telling them what was going on. I finally realized that I couldn't do it on my own, and I couldn't even do it with the help of my friends or family. I needed something more.

Within the next few weeks after realizing it was hopeless to try to fix things on my own, I went back to church with R, heard the gospel story, and finally accepted help from the only real way to get it - Jesus Christ as my Lord and Savior.

I wish I could say that the instant I became a Christian, life became wonderful and all of my problems were gone. That would be great, but it just isn't the case. I still worry and get anxious. But the difference is, now I have a source of peace and a God to fall back on, who I know is the answer. On those days where I sense myself slipping back into a bout of depression, or the nights I lie in bed crying myself to sleep, I know I can turn to a God who knows me by name, and who knows every tear that rolls down my cheek, and I know that I don't have to do it on my own. And that gives me a sense of peace I had never had before.

"What's going on inside of me? I despise my own behavior. This only serves to confirm my suspicions, that I'm still a man in need of a savior. I wanna be in the light, as you are in the light, I wanna shine like the stars in the heavens. Oh, Lord be my light and be my salvation, cause all I want is to be in the light... All I want is to be in the light."

Baptism... long overdue.

This past weekend, on August 10, 2008, I finally did something I had been putting off for over 5 years. And today, I'm asking myself what took so long.

Over 5 years ago, in July of 2003, I became a Christian, surrendering control over my life (or at least starting that process... I cannot honesly say that I've done that completely, and I don't know that I'll ever be able to, but I'll keep trying) to Jesus Christ. This followed a pretty low point in my life. The short version (the long version is a story for another day, but one that should be and will be told eventually) is I was battling some pretty severe depression, trying to do it all by myself, but not doing real well with that. As crappy as the sitution was then, it was what finally brought me to my knees knowing I couldn't do life by myself, and I'm thankful for it now.

Fast forward about 5 years to this past June, when I was faced with (I guess I should say given the opportunity, but I didn't see it as a fun idea at the time) the question of whether or not I was going to get baptized. I'd heard that it was something I should do, but also clung to the fact that it wasn't something I HAD to do - it wasn't going to change my standing with God - but it was a step of obedience. After some long conversations and a lot of convincing, I reluctantly decided I was going to go ahead and do it. It wasn't something I was looking forward to, and I really didn't have many expectations for it. Boy was I wrong.

This past Sunday was an amazing day. It was a day I got to hang out with friends I hadn't seen in a month. It was a day I got to go back to Crossroads. It was a day I got to share a story of my life and my testimony, that not a whole lot of people knew, with some pretty important people in my life (Thank you to all of you who were there!). And I got to share the experience of baptism with one of my best friends too. It was a day I won't soon forget, and wouldn't give up for anything. And even more importantly, it was a lesson in the blessings that come with obedience.

Calling Boston

I by NO means intend this to scare anyone away, but I have been curious....

So I have this fun little feature on my blog where I can see who's checking things out. Well, not exactly who, but at least where they are from. And one of the places that shows up off and on is Boston, MA. Now I have an idea of who you are (Empire State Building and a crazy bus ride to NYC maybe?), and if it's you, I'd love to hear from you! It's been too long! But even if I'm totally wrong and it's not you, I'd love to know who you are too. The comment option is always open. Again, please know that I don't intend this to freak you out, and I won't get freaked out if/when I find out who you are, purely a curiousity/wanting to get back in touch thing.

Now the rest of the locations are all Kohler/Port Washington/Sheboygan, so I really have no idea who you are because I can't narrow it down, but you can feel free to leave me a note too!